Men are more likely to fantasise about having a long-term relationship with the person they’re on a date with than women are. Men fall in love more often than women do. Here’s what I know: men fall in love faster than women do, because they’re so visual. “That is the general belief, but there are a great number of general beliefs that are wrong.
We’re told that sex can be casual for men, especially. Sex is not casual because things happen in the brain.” A huge percentage of people have sex that leads to commitment. I ask, ‘Have you ever gone into a one-night stand expecting it to just be a one-night stand, but ended up making a long-term commitment?’ And every year, 25% to 35% say yes. “I’m on my seventh year of an annual study to see if people fall in love after one-night stands. So, when you have sex, you can go over the threshold into falling in love thanks to dopamine – and, after orgasm, feel a deep attachment to them.” Wow, cool. Then, with orgasm, there’s a flood of oxytocin and vasopressin – brilliant chemicals that are associated with attachment. Any stimulation of the genitals drives up the brain’s dopamine system, which is basic to feeling intense romantic love. You learn whether they have a sense of humour in bed, whether they listen, are relaxed, inhibited, a prude, pushy… The brain gathers an enormous amount of information on the things that say a great deal about someone.” But you couldn’t fall in love that first time – could you? You see the other person very clearly, smell them, taste them, hear them and you feel them. “Your first sex is a real escalation or breaking point.
So, what can sex tell us about someone that dates can’t?